


Worthless

by LadyKGrey



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Tower, Centipede Syrum, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hydra, Inhumans (Marvel), Loki Angst, Past Torture/Rape non-con, Protective Team, Seeing the future, Self-Harm, Serious self worth problems, Threats of Rape/Non-Con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-23 22:35:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9684137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyKGrey/pseuds/LadyKGrey
Summary: A young Inhuman woman has been held captive and tortured for months by an affiliate of Centipede. The new SHIELD, led by Agent Coulson, requests the Avengers assistance to rescue her. The team becomes invested personally in her recovery, keeping her at Avengers tower instead of handing her over to SHIELD. Despite their new friendships and care, she struggles to rediscover her worth and fights a desperate lonely battle to avoid self destruction.*Please be warned that there will be Non-con and self harm in this fic. If this triggers or bothers you, please do not read. I do not want cause anyone any more distress than the fate of our beloved characters already do!





	1. Rescue

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is timed after the fall of SHIELD and before Civil War. Right now there is no Vision or Wanda- I'll change the tags if I decide to add them. There are a few changes to Cannon- the major one being Loki is now held in a cell in Avengers Tower after Thor rescued him from being tortured by the Chitauri. Thor is staying with the Avengers permanently for now to keep tabs on Loki. The Avengers are aware that Coulson is alive, and work with the new SHIELD on occasion. 
> 
> This first chapter is short, but the next ones should be much longer!

Day and night had ceased to exist- all that remained was pain and darkness. If there was no pain, it was dark, if there was no darkness, there was pain. Life had no meaning, survival was of no consequence. Except the bastards just wouldn’t let her die. Faces no longer registered, just the blur of human presence, hovered over the bed she was fastened to, intent on causing pain. The tiny little white walled cell no longer echoed with her cries as they touched her. There was not enough will remaining to cry out or fight back most of the time. She was all consumed by the visions that human touch on her skin would cause, shredding through her brain like shards of glass.

 

On the rare occasion that she did regain enough self-awareness to fight back- scream, kick, bite- retribution was brutal. Scars and welts crisscrossed her skin, mapping out a past too atrocious for words. Her captors favorite tool of “discipline,” was a leather belt. They took sadistic glee watching how well she was conditioned to flinch away from the sound of the metal buckle jingling as it was undone. She would be unfastened from the bed, cuffs instead fastened to a hook in the ceiling as she sobbed out, “Oh god, I’m sorry! Please don’t!” They would soak in her cries, seeming to almost use them to boost their strength as they savaged her skin unendingly. She would be beaten to the brink of unconsciousness, revived, and then beaten some more. No torture would follow for a few days, allowing her to recover and “learn her lesson.” The days were an endless pattern of pain and with each one, she was losing herself.

 

Her moments of awareness were becoming increasingly rare. During her next one, it was dark. She had no recollection of what roused her to consciousness- only that as her brain began to function again, she wished she had never come to. Darkness was both relieving and terrifying. Darkness meant no new pain, but that her mind had time to relive all the previous pains in desperate detail. A booming and rumbling down the hall made her freeze, pausing her writhing within the restraints. Dust sprinkled down on her from the ceiling as another boom sounded, closer this time. Without warning, her door crashed open, ripping completely off the hinges. A male voice drifted to her ears, sounding slightly annoyed.

 

“Look, Stark, there isn’t time for you to decode every door! I have to collect the target and get out before the next wave of guards arrive. Nat and I can’t take them all!” The man behind the voice strode in, a blur of blue. She could make out no other features- didn’t really have the energy to focus that much. As he moved closer, the light flicked on in the room, filling her with uncontrollable panic. She struggled, scream torn voice croaking out at him.

 

“No! Don’t- don’t touch me!”

 

Her pleas stopped him short. He lifted his hands in a gentle placating gesture to show he meant no harm, speaking to her low and calm. “Kathryn Grey? It’s ok ma’am, I’m not here to hurt you. We are going to get you out. Get you away from here.” She barely registered his words, her attention glued instead to his hands. Gloves- he wore gloves. Trailing the blue fabric from his hands, up his arms, and across his chest with her vision, she was overwhelmed with a rush of relief. It strangled her breathing, made her heart pound and head ache. So much fabric- if he touched her, there was no possibility of skin on skin contact. His proximity would not send glass shards through her brain. The man before her seemed to take her sudden stillness as permission to continue, because he was moving again, hands working at the metal cuffs binding her to the bed. Once free he asked “Can you stand?” He backed away to give her space to try, but quickly jumped forward when her weak attempt almost sent her flailing to the floor. Pain flared in her body as he gently scooped her broken form off the bed, causing her to cry out. “I’m sorry, I do not want to hurt you, but we have to get out of here now.”

 

With that he strode purposefully from the room. As they passed through the doorway, terror swamped her. In the first few weeks of her capture, she had tried to escape several times. Each attempt ended in a brutal beating that eventually conditioned her not to try again. Leaving the room meant pain. This man was going to cause her pain! She whimpered, shivering in the thin tank top and underwear she wore- the only clothing she had been allowed since first arriving. The strange breezes of the hallway played against her skin, chilling her to the bone. At her small sound and violent trembling, the man in blue looked down, gently holding her closer, trying to protect her body. The gesture of kindness, though small, caused a tiny bit of heat to kindle in her chest, easing her fear just a little. Too long had it been since another soul had shown kindness. Unconsciously, she snuggled closer into those strong blue arms, reveling in the warmth of a human, while being completely protected from the pain of his skin on hers.

 

Face pressed to his chest, she could feel his voice rumble as he spoke. “Nat, you finished? I have the girl, time to go.”

 

“Perfect timing.” The sarcastic lilt of a female voice in front of the them made her jump in the blue man’s arms, causing him to unconsciously grip her closer as she swung her head around to see the woman. She was a blur of red hair and tight black body suit, the only detail standing out clearly was the fact that she too wore gloves. She relaxed minutely into the man’s arms, comforted by the sight of black fabric curving around small fingers. The woman raised one those gloved hands and put it to her ear. “Barton, Captain and I are ready to make our exit- you in position?” A garbled answer fuzzed through the speaker of her headset and she nodded. “Ok let’s go.” Without further conversation, the red head pulled out a gun, ran to the sole window at the end of the hallway and shot the glass, shattering it completely. Then without warning, she leapt out into the empty air.

 

The blue man was close behind the woman, stepping up to the window and then out into the open abyss. She didn’t even have time to register that they were falling before they landed with a soft thump inside what looked like a small jet. A delayed scream rasped in her throat, and she tempered her terror by digging her face into the blue chest she was held against. He rumbled a little. “Jumping into a cloaked jet always gives me the willies.”

 

“Did you just say willies, Cap?” The joking voice at the front of the plane made her look up once again. This man definitely did not have gloves on- he didn’t even have sleeves. Her breathing hitched a little, praying he would not come any nearer. She was distracted though, as the blue man jostled her slightly, trying to set her down in one of the open seats. The agony of the movement combined with the unexpected events of the day became too much for her brain to handle, and for the first time in months, she was grateful when the darkness returned to swallow her up.


	2. Waking and Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn wakes, struggling to wrap her mind around the possibility of freedom.

She startled violently into awareness, the final vestiges of terrifying images slipping from her mind and leaving the cool dampness of sweat on her skin. As her eyes began to flicker open, she froze. The light was on, glaring with full intensity off the white walls. Pain was coming. Movement in the corner of her eye made her heart thump wildly in her chest, pushing against cracked and bruising ribs. A tall man stood near her, looking at something she could not focus on. She tried her best to pretend she had never awoken- tried not to be noticed. Pulse raging in her ears made her head scream, her breath hitch. The dark head looked up from the fuzzy patch in his hands.

“Kathryn? Are you awake?” His question was soft, almost kind. But she knew- she knew- the kindest voice brought the harshest pains. Terror seized her and she scrambled, blind with panic and pain, off the bed, huddling as far as she could from the tall form. Her body protested, pressed against the corner, the agony threatening to take her into the darkness once more. The voice filtered through the fog, as though from far away. “Kathryn? You are safe now. I won’t hurt you I promise.”

Her vision swam, fighting to focus. Dark curly hair crouched in front of her- white hands held up in peace before the figure. The hands were too pale for the face- Why? What did it matter though? Her brain warred within, stuck on this detail. Deep breath, and another, then another. Focus. Why was this detail important? She forced her eyes open once more, looking hard at the hands. Her stormy blue gaze wavered and then firmed as she examined them. Gloves- the hands were white because the dark curly hair before her wore gloves.  The pounding in her ears eased a little, allowing her other senses to begin taking in details.

Touch first- She no longer wore the sorry excuse for coverage that her tank top was. A hospital gown hugged her shoulders, covering down to mid-thigh. Her ears chimed in again here, registering a consistent beeping as an undertone to the calm voice of the man in front of her, indicating medical monitors present in the room. It was only ever silent and empty in her cell, except for the taunting of her captors. Then came smell. The room was filled with the sharp scent of sterilizer, burning the smell of blood and gore from her nostrils. Her eyes came last, roaming around the room. The bed had no restraints, the walls weren’t grungy, and there was an observation window, just across the room from where she sat. Her vision finally settled on the figure in front of her, watching steadily as she began to relax and refocus her sight.

He crouched before her, dark brown eyes filled with concern, soft face vulnerable while still managing to not betray his every emotion. When she seemed reasonably calm, he gave her a small smile. “My name is Doctor Bruce Banner. My team rescued you. Those people can’t hurt you anymore. You’re safe.”

Safe. The word crashed over her in a wave of emotions. Safe- free. But what if this is a trick- the cruel new torture of false hope. But what if it isn’t? Was the man in blue real? Not just some dream made up by a broken mind? Please let it be so! She looked up, eyes brimming.

“F-free?” It came out as no more than a rasp, but he seemed to understand, nodding eagerly. She struggled to breath as she processed the implications. Gasping and trembling, she curled in on herself, struggling to regain control. Her hands shook violently in front of her face, preventing her from swiping away the tears she couldn’t keep from escaping.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok. Just breathe.” The doctor pushed calming words at her, voice gentle and shushing as he refrained from reaching out to her. “I need to get you back up on the bed to check your wounds. Will you let me lift you?” She paused for a moment before nodding jerkily. His arms were warm and strong, covered by the white of a lab coat, as he scooped her gently off the floor. As tenderly as possible, he set her on the bed, much softer than the one in her cell. “Once I check you over, I’ll get you something to eat before I give you something to help you rest. Sound ok to you?”

Once again, she just nods, not quite ready to speak any more. His medical ministrations are gentle and impersonal, doing his best not to make her feel overwhelmed or violated. Once finished, the doctor stepped out for a moment, promising to return quickly with food. She burrowed down in the blankets, a welcome protection she had not been allowed for many months. Laying down so the door was within sight, she watched it warily. Her eyelids grew unexpectedly heavy and soon, despite her best efforts, sleep engulfed her.

_A male form straddled her naked body, his leer a blur on his face. Bare hands explored her figure, sending visions shattering through her mind. Her back arched, scream tearing her throat. Her tormentor grinned. His voice piercing the images in her mind._

_“See what my touch does to you little whore? I’ll make you come completely undone by the time I’m finished with you.” His tone grated at her raw nerves, words sending her into a fresh panic._

_“Please n-n-no!” Sharp pain shatters across her face as he backhands her. More visions slice through and a whimper escapes her lips._

_“Shut up! You. Are. Mine! I will do as I will!” A zipper punctuated his words, eliciting a wail of fear from his victim, as she writhed beneath him, struggling against her bonds. His shifts painfully as he forces her legs to spread wide, thrusting into her, drawing scream after scream from her broken body. The prolonged contact shoots endless agony through her mind, visions flooding her consciousness._

_The world shatters for a brief moment, then his hands are replaced by another’s- eliciting new visions and more pain. A man in blue faces off with a man in red. The blue man’s pain, and determination washes through her as she watches helplessly. Betrayal, hurt, anger- she feels all the blue man’s emotions as her own. The vision stabs her mind, shredding her to pieces._

_A voice, new but familiar, filters through the pain. “Captain! Stop! Put these on first! You’ll make it worse.” The hands withdraw, along with the visions. The voice returns, warm fabric covered hands caressing her dreams. “Kathryn, it’s just a dream. You need to wake up now. You’re safe Kathryn, wake up!”_

She sat bolt upright with a sobbing shriek. _The lights! The lights are on! Please bring back the dark! No! The dark is too dark! Please no more pain!_ She grips her knees to her chest burying her head in the sheet tented between her legs, rocking back and forth and sobbing. A voice behind her makes her start, whimpering, and trembling into her knees.

“Jarvis, take the lights down 50%.” The lights in the room dim in response to the quiet voice’s request. Peeking up from her knees, she peers curiously at the shadowed, but _NOT_ dark room. Had she spoken aloud about the light when she woke? She did not remember using her words, but the kind voice behind her seemed to know what she needed, lowering the lights just enough. Dark curly hair moved back into her vision. “I’m sorry, Kathryn, I didn’t think you’d fall asleep so easily, otherwise I wouldn’t have left you alone.” She looked up at him, trying to sink into the kindness of the brown eyes and stop trembling. “It was just a nightmare- you’re still safe, still free, ok?”

She jerked her head in the barest of nods before movement from behind the doctor caught her eye, making her jump. A tall, broad shouldered blonde, steps closer, smiling at her with his bright blue eyes. She thinks he might be familiar, but she can’t be sure.

“Kathryn, this is Captain Steven Rogers,” the doctor rests a hand on the captain’s shoulder, “He was part of the team that rescued you.”

A small gasp sucks in between her bruised lips, “You’re the blue man!” He chuckles at the statement, stepping forward more, but still maintaining a respectful distance.

“Technically yes, but you can call me Steve. How are you feeling?”

“I saw you in my dream- your visions split my skull.” She stated this simply, no accusation in her voice. He did not miss that she sidestepped his question, but let it slide.

“I’m sorry I caused you more pain.” He said sincerely, then held up his gloved hands for her to see, “Banner stopped me and had me put these on, so I won’t be a problem for you anymore.”

She looked in confusion between the two men, “How did you know?”

“Um, it’s in your file.” The doctor seemed a little uncomfortable telling her this. Why?

“My what?” Panic was building again from the confusion. She seemed to be in a constant state of not knowing what was happening.

He settled himself gingerly on the edge of the bed, bracing himself for the explanation. “An organization called SHIELD, keeps tabs on special people like you. They know about your seer’s ability and how it only works through skin on skin contact. They kept to the shadows because you proved to be of no harm to others. When you disappeared off their radar, it took several months to locate you. They asked our team to spearhead the rescue. While in the facility, we managed to hack the records of what they did to you.” At this, she flinched. Many intimate tortures had been forced upon her, and she didn’t like the idea of others knowing what shame she had been forced into. Dr. Banner continued, gently resting a gloved hand on top of her trembling fingers. “They injected you with a variation of a serum we have encountered before. It succeeded in strengthening your visions as they had hoped, but with the side effect of causing you physical pain with each vision.”

“S-So,” Her voice shook, “you figured to p-protect me from the visions by wearing g-gloves.” She gazed quietly at the gloved hand resting on her bare hand before whispering, “Thank you.”

Steve stepped up, gently laying a hand on her back, blue eyes piercing her, “I am truly sorry I hurt you.”

She glanced up at him, trembling lips poised to tell him not to worry, when the door slammed open, a dark-haired man stepping through with a flourish.

“And why was I not informed our special guest was awake? It’s about time I got to meet her!” His voice was layered with sarcasm and teasing, but none of that mattered to her as his sudden arrival sent her scrambling for the relative safety of the corner once more. Steve vaulted agilely over the bed, crouching down before her in an attempt to sooth her fear; while Dr. Banner turned to face the newcomer.

“Tony, you have the subtlety of an entire heard of rhinos in a china shop.”  

 

 

 


	3. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn finds out she is going to be transferred and Tony has a talk with Coulson.

After the disastrous outcome of Tony’s introduction- they had to kick him out (meaning Steve grabbed him by the ear and tossed him out the door), pry her out of the corner, and then had him try again after she calmed down- the other three decided it would be better to meet her in a slow trickle to allow her time to adjust. They all took the time to don gloves before entering the room, putting her mind at ease. The spies, Romanoff and Barton, both had short visits, quiet in their own way: Natasha, calculating, Clint, jovial. Thor was a little more boisterous with his introduction, making her nervous, but was able to catch on when Dr. Banner motioned for him to tone it down. Over all they were very kind, seeking to put her mind at ease during her short stay in Avengers Tower.

 After Tony’s startling barge in, Dr. Banner warned her that once he cleared her for transfer, she would be moving to SHIELD’s base of operations. The idea terrified her, knowing that she would be moving to an unknown space, with unknown people, for unknown reasons. Too many unknowns. Her chest began to cinch, breathing became impossible. The doctor gripped her shoulder gently, trying to bring her back to reality.

 “Kathryn! Kathryn, Hey! Breathe.” Struggling, she forced air into her lungs, bringing her panicked blue eyes up to meet his kind brown ones. “What’s the matter?” He asked, sitting next to her on the medical bed.

 “Why can’t I stay with you?” Voice small, she looked down, loathing herself for how weak and pathetic she sounded. Dr. Banner gripped her small hand with his large gloved one.

 “I’m sorry, we were only assisting SHIELD on this one. It’s their jurisdiction, technically, and Director Coulson has been generous letting you stay here for a few days to be treated.” He sounded truly remorseful at the idea that she had to go. Attempting to stomp down the terror warring inside, she realized that she had already begun to trust Dr. Banner and Captain Rogers. The idea confounded her. After what felt like a lifetime of betrayal, how could her shattered person already begin to form attachments to a group of people she barely knew. Was she really that messed up? So starved for affection that she clung to even the barest kindness of strangers? The doctor’s voice startled her out of her quickly spiraling thoughts, making her straighten out of the protective hunch of her shoulders. “I don’t want to put you through any undue stress, I will see about pushing out your transfer another day.”

With that he levered himself off the bed, striding quickly to the door. Pausing just before he exited, his brown eyes turned back to convey his concern. “Try to get some rest. I don’t know how long this is going to take, ok?” The door swung shut behind him, and all she could do was sit and stare at the door. It was just a matter of time before it would open again, allowing strange agents access to her room. They would take her away, discover how broken she really was, and then either lock her away in the dark, or give her up as a lost cause and experiment on her. She wouldn’t be able to fight- she knew, she was always too weak for that, even before the torture. Useless, hopeless, unwanted, unneeded, broken- the string of words paraded through her mind, taunting, mocking, an endless reminder of the truth. No More! If SHIELD took her, discovered how irreparably damaged she really was, she would put an end to this miserable existence once and for all. She didn’t have the strength to fight back, but she could make sure no one would use her against her wishes ever again. And that was a promise to herself that she would fight tooth and claw to keep.

\---

Staring at the screen on the wall, waiting for Jarvis to wind through the many protocols of connecting video communication with SHIELD, Tony sorted out in his head what he wanted to say to Coulson. When Bruce had come to him, asking him to convince the SHIELD director to allow Kathryn to stay in their care a few extra days, Tony immediately agreed- though he was shooting for semi-permanent, not just a few days. Not only did he disagree with turning yet another young, terrified inhuman into the next little SHIELD drone, but he actually liked the kid. Not that he was going to tell anyone that. Tony Stark didn’t like people, at least not on the record. Off the record, the girl recouping in his infirmary was a surprising mixture of tenacity and sheer will- with liberal doses of terror and damage mixed in- torture does that to a person.

Tony smiled, remembering her reaction to a comment he had made once Banner let him back in the girl’s room, after the captain had originally dragged him out by his ear for startling her. He had been asking her questions about how her ability worked, ignoring the glares that Spangles kept shooting at him.

_“So… If touch activates the visions,” He started flippantly, “how does sex work?”_

_Steven, standing behind Kathryn, started forward, and snarled (snarled, how adorable!) at him, while Bruce, just stood there frozen to his spot next to Tony. The shake of his hands revealed how hard he fought to control himself. The girl, on the other hand, stared, terrified for a moment; clearly haunted by something his question triggered. But then suddenly Tony could see her visibly shove herself from the precipice of breakdown, giving him a wry smile- small and strained, but real._

_“That, Mr. Stark, is for me to know and you not to find out.” Her voice was also small and strained, but the dry humor was just as real as the smile._

_He laughed at her comment, thinking_ I like this one, _then beat a hasty retreat before Rogers could drag him from the room by his ear again._

“Something bothering your ear?” Coulson’s face was spread across the screen now, watching him with curiosity. Tony let his hand drop from the ear that he had been unconsciously rubbing. Stars and stripes had quite the grip.

“Ah Coulson. I’ve called to update you on the latest rescue mission.” He forced his face to be neutral, his voice light and conversational.

Coulson’s eyes narrowed with suspicion, but he said nothing other than a short “Yes?”

“She is awake and responsive, if completely terrified and in a staggering amount of pain.” The Director nodded understandingly at the last comment but froze mid-nod when Tony spoke next, tone remaining flippant. “Oh, and you can’t have her.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you right.” Coulson’s voice was deceptively calm when he finally spoke.

“I said, you can’t have her.”

“Stark-“  The face on the screen remained impassive, even as the voice held an undertone of warning.

Tony irreverent as ever interrupted, needing to make his point before Coulson could do something drastic. “Don’t you ‘Stark’ me! This girl has been through all seven levels of hell. She is broken, terrified, and jumps at every shadow- and despite it all is still managing to dig up some sort of will power to survive- to smile even. She deserves a break. Besides, she is quite fond of Banner and do you want to be responsible for taking away her big, mean, green safety blanket, do you?”

“She needs evaluated.”

“She needs to feel safe.” Tony pushed, knowing that Coulson not arguing, shouting, or ordering her immediate hand over, was a good sign. “She feels safe here. I know, for a fact, that your evaluation cells, are too similar to the torture chamber she was in for eight months for her to ever feel safe. You don’t want to force a break down, do you?”

Coulson was silent, weighing the options.  When he did speak, all he said was, “Careful Stark, you are beginning to sound like you care.”

He waved a hand dismissively, “Spend enough time in Mr. Rogers’ neighborhood, and he is bound to rub off on you-“ he paused a beat, then added, “don’t tell Steve I said that.”

Coulson pondered for another moment. “You have 30 days,” he snapped out suddenly. “After 30 days, you transfer her here. Agent’s Johnson and May will be arriving tomorrow for a preliminary evaluation. If they decide for any reason that she is a danger to herself or to others, she will be released to us immediately, no questions asked. Is that clear?”

“Peachy.” It’s not what he wanted, but it’s a start.

“No funny business, do I make myself clear?”

Instead of answering, Tony drawled, “You know, some days you sound exactly like Fury.”

“I don’t know whether I should take that as an insult or a compliment.” Coulson’s face was painted with sincere confusion as he said this.

“Well it wasn’t a compliment,” Tony quipped before abruptly ending the call.

_Time to alert our guest that her stay has been extended._ Tony swooped out of the room with a barely contained grin of triumph.

 


	4. Kat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn learns she can stay.

Snuggled into Steve’s side, she felt like heaven. He had come to check in on her, only to discover that she was mid ‘post nightmare panic attack’. Dropping the clothes he brought for her, Steve had scooped her off the floor, sat on the bed and gently cradled her small trembling form in his lap. Being diligent to not touch any of her skin with his, he slowly rocked her back and forth, making small shushing noises and telling her it would be alright. Once she finally calmed down enough to breathe again, the searing flame of shame crept up her cheeks and she slipped off his lap, studying the floor. She hadn’t wanted to see his pity, his disgust at her weakness. But when he cupped his gloved hand under her chin, forcing her to meet the endless sea of blue in his eyes, all she saw was understanding. He knew, he’d been there, he wouldn’t judge.

 And now she was sitting next to him on the bed, tucked under his arm, feeling the warmth of his body radiate through their clothes. It was the singularly most comforting thing in the world. Eight months of cruelty at the hands of others, and even the smallest kind touch went a long way. Currently though, he was the only one who could be this close to her without causing a panic attack. She had been _tortured_ at the hand of others, so of course contact would be an issue for a while. But Steve’s touch was the one that rescued her- the first kindness in so long, the only caress she would be able to stand past a quick clasp of the hands or shoulder as Dr. Banner often did.

 Before the panic attack, Steve had been bringing her something to wear, other than the scrubs that left her shivering most of the time. The sweat shirt she was now swimming in was one of his less used ones. The sweat pants were not his- there was no way his pants were going to stay up around her malnourished hips, so Natasha had given him a pair of her own to loan Kathryn. Feeling warm and completely covered was a new sensation for her. She would need to make a point to thank Agent Romanoff before the SHIELD agents took her away. Her eyes fluttered closed, Steve’s warmth soaking into her very bones.

_SLAM!_

The door crashed open, bringing her with a shriek back to awareness. To her credit though, she didn’t fall off the bed and scramble for the corner this time. Once again, Tony Stark stepped through the gaping doorway, this time with Dr. Banner in tow. A small growl rumbled in Steve’s chest under her ear.

“I swear Tony, if you-“  His threat was cut off by Stark sauntering forward, waving a hand dismissively.

“Hold all threats ‘til the end please!” Swept up to them, triumphant grin on his face. “You are going to like what I have to say.” This time he turned his address to Kathryn, still tucked under Steve’s arm. “Director Coulson has agreed to postpone your transfer. Your vacation package has been upgraded to a 30-night stay in an Avengers Tower suite, all expenses paid.”

“What?” She forced herself upright out of Steve’s grasp. “I can stay?” The relief was short lived as her chest began to clench again. Her head spun. Why were they being so nice to her? Why were they going out of their way to take care of her? They had no idea who she was, beyond being inhuman and the victim of some pretty messed up torture. There was no way she would be able to repay all their kindness already. How would she pay back staying an extra thirty days? Not that she wanted to go- that scared her even more than a debt she would never be able to repay. Shakily she asked, “Why?”

Tony took a step back, looking highly offended. “I was under the impression you didn’t want to go. But if that’s not the case, I can just call up Coulson and…”

“No!” She pulled fully from Steve’s arm this time, hand out in a placating gesture. “N-n-no, I don’t want to go. It’s just...just. uh, I-I don’t understand. You guys don’t know me. I’ll never be able to repay you, I… I’m not worth this.” She looked in shame at the floor, biting her lip and hating how pathetic her distress was.

“They see themselves in you.” A new voice in the doorway startled her into whipping her head up, locking eyes with the red head standing there. Natasha continued, “Each and every one of us have been through hell and back during at least one point in our lives. Let us give you what you need most right now, what no one gave us when we needed it most- A place to feel safe and recover.” Her voice was gentle, answer clearly thought out as if she knew that this conversation would happen and had planned for it.

She wasn’t really sure how to take this quite yet, but Kathryn knew they were waiting for an answer, so she shyly looked up through her lashes at the figures in the room- all of them watching her intently. “Thank you.” She was hesitant, but clearly that was still enough for Tony. His triumphant grin was back in a flash.

“Besides! Why pass up a chance for an extended stay in Avengers Tower? Just let Jarvis know if you need anything. I’m off to prep a room! Rest up Kathryn, I’m breaking you out of this tiny room and getting you a real bed!” He turned to leave, but was stopped by her quiet voice.

“Kat.”

“Huh?” They all looked a little confused at the single word she uttered. Her cheeks flushed a little.

“My friends used to call me Kat….” She was studying the floor again. “It’s easier than saying Kathryn all the time- b... but I understand if you don’t want to use it!” Her whole body was ridged, as if she were terrified they would protest the idea that they were her friends. After a surprised pause, Bruce spoke up for the rest of them.

“Kat is a great nickname, we would love to use it.” He smiled warmly in emphasis when she glanced up at him in apprehension.

Tony looked highly pleased as he sauntered off, a jovial pep in his step as he started to chatter away at what seemed like thin air. “Jarvis! Where is Pepper? We need a suite of rooms and a shopping trip pronto!”

“Miss Pots is currently attending a board meeting and will not be available until your dinner with her at 5:30 this evening.” The voice seemed to come from nowhere, smooth, and disembodied.

“Oh! That’s right! Dinner- Jarvis did I make reservations?” Tony’s voice became faint as he continued to ramble, turning a corner.

\---

_“I’m not worth this.”_

Hidden deep in Avengers Tower, a pale figure, sitting on the floor of his cell, stiffened at the words. Eyes snapped open, bright against his drawn face. Silently he contemplated. He had never heard someone so boldly state a sentiment that most would hide away. Such self-doubts were often seen as weakness and weaknesses were to be hidden. Such feebleness struggled to overtake him every second that ticked by in this god forsaken cell. Left alone far too often, he had nothing but his thoughts for company- cruel company at that. Questions of his worth had plagued him since he was a boy, but here, alone in this tower of enemies, they were relentless. Someone who so openly shared this sentiment about themselves intrigued him.

He only just recently began to fight against the restraints that bound his magic. Pushing and wiggling with his mind, he was finally able to create a hairline fracture in the binding. It wasn’t much, just enough to allow him to extend his magical hearing within the tower, but the progress had renewed hope that he could break the bonds someday and be free. The new freedom to eavesdrop throughout the tower had already proven quite handy. He would very much like to meet the girl the mighty avengers were suddenly so protective of. She must be a rare creature indeed.

\---

Kat sat on the bed in the dimly lit room, knees drawn to her chest, eyes staring at nothing as she tried to comprehend what was happening. Her stomach swirled, sick with confusion. Earth’s mightiest heroes went up to bat for her- wanted her to stay here, in their home, just so she could feel safe while recovering. It made no sense. Next to them she was nothing, just a pathetic little human who managed to end up in the clutches of a corrupt corporation stupid enough to get caught working with Hydra. She wasn’t even completely human, an _inhuman_ , a mutant mistake of nature, a failed experiment.

She grasped at her arms, nails clawing at her flesh with loathing. Worthless, not ever able to repay this kindness given to her. This had to all be a cruel dream of freedom, though she wasn’t sure her mind was even capable of coming up with something so ridiculous as being doted upon by the great Avengers. She wasn’t special- this couldn’t be real. Flailing, Kat threw herself off the bed and across the room to scrabble in the medical supply drawers under the observation window. Looking for something- _something- something like that!_ A scalpel. Unthinking she shoved her sleeve up her arm and savagely thrust the razor edge into the tender flesh, just below the elbow. She gasped in surprise as pain seared through her arm, blood already welling up to drip down her fingertips.

“Miss Grey, it is unadvisable to continue inflicting harm upon yourself.” The voice she had begun to recognize as Jarvis, Stark’s A.I., startled her out of the shocked trance she stood in. The scalpel clattered to the ground as she dug for some gauze to press over the still bleeding wound.

“I know, Jarvis. I just needed to confirm something.” Her voice shook a little as she stumbled back to the bed, sitting down hard.

“Might I enquire what would require stabbing yourself in the arm?” The voice was polite as always, but Kat swore she could hear a tiny hint of sarcasm hidden deep in the computer’s tones.

She squirmed a little, it felt odd to be called out by a computer, but she still felt the need to explain herself. “It confirms I’m not dreaming. My dreams only relive the old pain repeatedly, never pain I haven’t lived yet. So, if I can inflict new pain on myself, as bizarre as this situation is, it’s not a dream. Does that make sense?”

“I wouldn’t know, Miss Grey, I do not dream.” There was definitely a scathing tone to the voice floating from the ceiling. Only Tony Stark would build a computer with sass.

Suddenly a thought occurred to her, making the blood drain from her face. “Jarvis? Please don’t tell anyone about this? This isn’t something they should worry about.”

“As you wish, miss.” As the voice faded from the ceiling, she settled back into the bed intent on getting some rest before any other overwhelmingly new things could happen.   


	5. Evaluation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kat has more nightmares and then has to face new agents for the Evaluation.

_She was chained to the ceiling, full weight pulling on her wrists, straining her shoulders to their limit. Her legs hadn’t had the strength to hold her in weeks now, making the punishment all the more cruel. Panic swelled in her throat, choking off the air supply. Lungs screaming for release, she tried to force gasps of air through the overwhelming emotion. Behind her, the small sound of a belt buckle jingling caused the world to white out, panic turning to full blown terror._

_“No, please! I didn’t mean to! Please!” Her voice was small, strangled by the fear as she pleaded for mercy. The shame over begging her captors had faded months ago, slipping away as her grip on reality began to phase out. She hadn’t meant to kick out, really! She didn’t always have control over her body when they forced visions on her. Her captors made no answer- unless the sound of leather sliding from its loops counted as a ‘no.’_

_The first blow came without warning- the leather wrapping around her frail bare form like fire, driving a scream from her lungs. As she struggled to draw the air back in, a latex gloved hand grabbed her face. They wore gloves only when they punished her- couldn’t have her mind escaping when they wanted her present to feel everything. Foul breath filled her nostrils as her captor pulled her close. “Count girl- I wanna hear your mind break as we remind you that no matter how much you beg, nothing is going to stop the pain!” The hand shook her a viciously, “COUNT!”_

_“O-o-one...” The word was weak but apparently satisfied him because immediately the next lash fell. Scream after scream was torn from her as she was forced to count through her torment. The fire built in her skin until she thought she would burst into flame. Her own blood couldn’t put the flame out only famed the burn. Finally, they released her, falling to her knees without a sound no longer able to scream._

Kat sat straight up in her bed, scream falling from her lips as she tumbled off the bed to her familiar corner. She sat there, knees to chest, hands fisted in her hair, rocking back and forth in a futile attempt to calm herself. _I’m safe, they can’t hurt me anymore. I’m safe, they can’t hurt me anymore. I’m safe…_ She ran the mantra in her mind, but no matter how many times she repeated it, she couldn’t bring herself to believe that she was no longer at the mercy of her captors. Vision unsteady, her eyes flicked around the room, trying to make sense of her surroundings. Something small caught the dim light of the room, twinkling on the floor. Crawling around the bed and snatching it up, she retreated to the corner, examining her find. It was the scalpel from last night, it had still been on the floor where she discarded it. She studied it for a brief moment before pushing up the giant sleeve of Steve’s sweatshirt. She stared at the gouge she had made in her arm last night, remembering how it had helped to bring her back to reality, if just for a moment.

Taking a deep breath, she slashed the scalpel one- two – three- four times, just below the gouge in her arm. Not deep, just enough to make a bloody scratch that would force the clarity of pain through her clouded mind. Somewhere in the back of her mind a little voice screamed. _This is wrong! This isn’t gonna fix the pain!_ Kat savagely pushed the voice away, telling herself anything that took her mind off the terror was better than nothing. Already the fog of panic was beginning to lift, the remainder of the nightmares clearing from the edges of her vision. _I’m in a medical room in Avengers tower. I was rescued, they can’t hurt me anymore._ She reminded herself where she was so she wouldn’t get lost in the fear again.

Pulling her sleeve down, she attempted to stand, not wanting to be discovered on the floor when Dr. Banner came to check on her- only to find that she couldn’t. Her battered body screamed, legs refusing to move. How she had gotten off the bed without collapsing into a puddle on the floor, far away from the safety corner, was beyond her. Great- now she would have to wait for someone to come check on her and endure the humiliation of being found, sniveling, in the corner yet again. They must think her so pathetic. She hadn’t even been here two and a half days and they had already peeled her out of the corner at least a dozen times. She wanted so badly to be stronger than this, but that was almost impossible. The only time Kay felt like she might have enough strength to fight off her fear, was when Steve had wrapped her up in his arms and held her, bleeding his strength and warmth through the contact of their bodies.

_It’s not like you can just ask Captain Freakin America to follow you around giving out free hugs and cuddles whenever you get scared! Be realistic- you are going to have to fight this battle on your own. Eventually they are going to get sick of your pathetic wingeing and hand you over to SHIELD- you’ll be alone then anyway._

The voice in her head was vindictive, carving a little deeper into her pain, but she couldn’t work up the fight to disagree. Closing her eyes, Kat leaned her head back against the wall, doing everything she could to breathe in and out with some sort of regularity. She stayed that way until the door across the room opened quietly, Dr. Banner’s mild mannered voice calling out for her.

“Kat? The agents for the evaluation will be here soon, I wanted check the wrapping on your ribs before you spoke with them.” He hesitated, most likely scanning the room, trying to find her. Footsteps approached, she only opened her eyes, when his voice got much closer. “Kat?”

“Sorry,” She said, studying his shoes, “I had a dream, and then couldn’t get back up again.” Shame crept up her cheeks in a light shade of pink.

“It’s nothing to apologize for.” He knelt before her, trying to look her in the eye. “Are you ok with me helping you up, or should I get Steve?” She held out a shaky hand in a wordless response. As gently as possible, he gripped her arm, sliding his other arm around her waist. Kat did her best to control the automatic flinch of her body when he touched her, but she could tell she didn’t mask it all when he glanced at her with apology in his eyes. Agony ripped her breath from her as he helped her hobble slowly to the bed. Once there, he began to check the wrappings on her ribs.

“Do I have to do this evaluation?” The tremor in her voice elicited a sympathetic glance from the doctor as he worked.

“I’m sorry, but it is part of the conditions of you staying here. No evaluation, no staying in the tower. Coulson is serious about making sure everyone is safe.”

She heaved a sigh. “Shit, oh well.” Bruce’s chuckle startled her. “What?”

“Don’t let the captain here you use such language- he might wash your mouth out with soap.” The teasing in his voice made her think that this was an old joke that she was not privy to.

“I will not.” The new voice made her startle for a moment before settling with the realization it was just Steve. Bruce turned to face the blonde man, allowing her to pull the sweatshirt back down over her ribs.

“That’s not what you told Barton.”

Steve grinned, “Yeah, well, a good soaping might take Barton down a notch or two.” Both men chuckled at this, making Kat feel a little lighter with their jovial comradery. The lightness was short-lived, because soon Steve was turning toward her, saying, “The agents are here for your SHIELD evaluation. I’m here to take you to the conference room, but apparently Stark doesn’t have a single wheel chair in the building. Do you want me to carry you?”

A little warmth flared in her chest, and her cheeks. She wanted nothing more than to be back in the safety of his grasp- in his arms the darkness that haunted the corners of her mind seemed to be held a little at bay. Immediately the warmth was replaced with guilt and shame. The safety she felt had nothing to do with the man who held her, she didn’t even know him, not really. It had more to do with the fact that those were the arms that rescued her, that had occasionally held her tight since coming here. She was using _Captain America_ as a nothing more than a giant red white and blue safety blanket. It was wrong of her to use him, but she was so pathetic she could barely fight the urge to take his offer. After a lengthy pause, she finally forced herself to say, “No, I’ll try to walk.”  

The concerned looks she got from both men told her that they didn’t agree with her decision. But it was her decision to make so they let her make it. They stepped back, letting her slip off the bed. When her legs nearly crumpled beneath her weight, Steve quietly offered his arm as support, seeming completely unphased when her fingertips left dents in his flesh as she clung on for dear life, determined to stay upright. She only made it halfway down the first hall before her traitorous legs gave out completely. _Damn it._ She really didn’t want the agents to witness her being carried in by the captain. How needy would that make her look to them? And would that effect their evaluation?

As she sagged to the floor, leaning heavily against the wall, Steve squatted down in front of her, blue eyes crinkled in concern. “Kat, this would be a lot easier on you if you let me carry you. No one thinks any less of you if you accept help.”

“The agents might.” Her whisper was so quiet she wasn’t sure he had heard her. After a moment of silence, he lifted her chin, making her stormy blues meet his clear, bright ones.

“I’ll tell you what, I carry you most of the way, and then let you walk the last little bit to the conference room. The agents don’t have to know you didn’t come on your own power. Is that acceptable?”

Taken aback once again by his understanding, she agreed to the compromise, not quite smothering a sigh of relief when he scooped her gently into his embrace. Steve smiled softly at her and then turned to finish the trek to the elevator. True to his word, the last few yards before the open door of the conference room, Steve set her down and endured the death grip on his arm as she made her painstaking way to the awaiting unknown.

Upon entering the room, Steve rushed her past the people standing there and ushered her to a chair before she could collapse again. Only once she was seated and comfortable, did he step back, allowing her to see the three people standing there. Stark was there of course, next to him were two women, the agents she would guess. Stark stepped forward.

“Ah, Kat, glad to see you on your feet.” He eyed the greyish pallor of her skin and her labored breathing and added, “Well, sort of.” Turning toward the women in the room he motioned to the younger one first, long dark hair framing a stubborn chin and kind eyes. “This is Agent Johnson,” he motioned next to a slightly older Asian woman, stony-faced and firm looking, “And this is Agent May. They will be doing your evaluation today. They wanna see if you are going to go bat shit on us, or not.”

The frankness of his statement drew glares from both the agents standing there, and a slight rumble from Steve, but Kat merely quirked a tired smile at him and said, “I won’t, but it sounds like the Captain might if you keep saying such shocking things in front of him. I’ve been told he is not above washing your mouth out with soap.” This elicited a chuckle from Stark and he smile at her fondly before turning to the agents.

“See, told you, she will fit in just fine here.” He slapped Steve on the shoulder. “Come one spangles, let’s let them get this over with.” Steve walked out, sending a reassuring glance back to Kat, before disappearing out the door. Stark gave a jaunty little head nod and salute. “Tremors, Ice Queen, she’s all yours.” He turned to leave, but stopped again, looking back at the women. “Don’t break her-  Or I’ll break you.” With that he left, closing the door behind her. Kat stared after him, not sure if that last statement was actually a threat or just a joke.

 Realizing she was now truly alone with these two strangers, Kat shifted her gaze to the table in front of her, studying the polished wood grain as she attempted to tamp down the terror writhing inside her. She didn’t feel threatened by the team anymore, because, to a point, she knew them. But these two were unknowns, and after the last eight months, anything unfamiliar was something to be feared, because it usually meant pain. When the younger woman finally spoke, she flinched, not sure what to expect.

“It’s ok, we won’t bite. We just want to ask you some questions.” Her tone was gentle, like she was trying to sooth a spooked horse. “My name is Daisy. Stark says you like to be called Kat?” Without looking up from her hands, twisted in her lap, Kat nodded, too afraid to speak. She didn’t look up through the entire first half of the interview, nodding or shaking her head when she could get away without speaking, and when she absolutely had to use her voice, her answers were quiet and short.

The questions were mostly predictable _\- How were you captured? How long were you held? What did they want? Did they inject you with anything? What else did they do? What were your powers before you were taken, how did they change after the injection?_ The questions went on and on, some probing her mental health, some just routine mission debrief questions. Kat tried her best to cooperate and answer everything, that is until the very last question. _Would you demonstrate your ability?_

She sucked in a breath, as if she had been stung, so shocked she looked Agent May in the eye for the first time. Her answer was a firm and resounding, “NO.” She flinched automatically, expecting retribution for her refusal, but no way she was willingly putting her mind through that agony, especially not to satisfy the morbid curiosity of a couple of agents. Her hands shook a little as she tucked them safely inside the too long sleeves of her sweat shirt, providing her skin a tiny bit more protection. Daisy chimed in, tones gentle.

“We aren’t asking out of simple curiosity, Kat. We need to know if there is any backlash for you or those around you that would pose any danger.”

“Well you don’t have to worry!” Kat snapped, “I don’t plan on ever using my ‘ability’ you call it- more like curse- ever again.”

“Not willingly no,” Agent May’s voice was uncompromising, forcing a chill down Kat’s spine. “But what if it happens by accident, or someone forces you? We need to know if you or those around you are going to be in danger.”

Kat folded in on herself, darkness blurring the edges of her vision as she fought to hold off the panic. She didn’t realize that tears had begun to slide down her cheeks, that she was suddenly not breathing, until a large warm hand started to rub her back, Steve’s gentle voice encouraging her to breathe in, to breathe out, to come back to reality where she was safe. Without warning, she was being scooped up into a pair of strong, firm arms, and carried carefully from the room. Right now, she didn’t care how sad or needy being carried made her look, all she cared about was the feeling of safety, the feeling of the steady warmth pressed against her, the gentle rumble of quiet words she couldn’t quite make out.

\---

Steve was the first to race back into the room, Tony following quickly on his heels. They had been very patient, watching the video feed of the evaluation in the next room over. But at the first sign of Kat’s panic attack, they had launched themselves out of the room and into the hall, intent on bringing the interview to an end. Steve made his way immediately to Kat, so Tony made it his business to address the agents.

“This evaluation is over.” The finality in his tone brooked no argument- but that of course didn’t seem to stop the agents.

“We need to know Stark, you know that.” Agent May’s voice was firm, warning. “You know Coulson’s agreement hinges on our evaluation- if it goes incomplete, he won’t let her stay.”

“There are other ways of finding out without inducing a full on panic attack! The girl has been tortured- do you really think it’s going to improve her mental state to inflict more on her!? I downloaded the video surveillance of her torture at the hand of those maniacs- you can scar your own mind by sifting through all that junk instead of forcing new scars on hers!”

Daisy, who seemed eager to find a solution that worked for everyone, jumped in, saying, “We can work with that. Send it over to Coulson.” At a questioning glare from May, she said, “Come on May, we aren’t that heartless.”

“That’s debatable.” Stark quipped. He was relieved that Daisy was willing to work with him on this. She used to be so sweet and caring, but after a few years with SHIELD, she had gotten all ‘agenty’ on him, and Stark wasn’t sure if she would take the kinder way out.

The agents stood to leave. “Please send the videos to us as soon as possible. Coulson will let you know his decision by morning I’m sure.” Daisy hesitated before continuing, “Good to see you Stark, I hope you can help her.”

“Always a pleasure ladies,” He said stepping back to allow them out of the room. Forgoing self-preservation, he laid a hand on the small of May’s back to gently guide her from the room. She stopped, spine stiffening more than he thought possible.

“Touch me again, Stark, and I’ll break every one of your fingers.” Tony snatched his hand back, fear for his limbs over riding his cockiness. He watched as they left, before heading to his lab, intent on prepping the video file for transfer. A huge crazy grin spread across his face, adrenaline making him feel loopy. That woman was terrifying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who have stuck with my story, and those who have commented- it means a lot to me to hear from you!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments always welcome!


End file.
